There are many details co-parents might disagree on — from the way one parent carries out the bedtime routine to how to handle child drop-offs. But what do you do when you feel like working with your co-parent on certain issues seems impossible?

You can begin why with reminding yourself why you’ve chosen to co-parent. From there, improving the way you communicate can reinforce any relationship or partnership.

Put aside differences for children

If you opted to co-parent, then chances are you value the benefits of having your children see you and your ex-spouse work together as a team to raise them. Next time you disagree with a small or large detail with how your ex approaches parenting or a child-related matter, try to think of the initial reasons as to why you chose to co-parent in the first place. And if putting aside your differences still seems too difficult, keep in mind that you can always transition into a parallel parenting arrangement instead.

Improve communication methods

Sometimes just coming up with expectations about how and when to communicate child-related concerns can make way for minimal conflict. Maybe you’ve noticed that last-minute texts concerning school deadlines have been the root of all of your recent tiffs with your ex. In this case, try letting your co-parent know you’d like to work on a creating a more formal system for communicating about and completing all paperwork, decisions and responsibilities about your child’s schooling. If you detect a pattern, then you can work on strengthening your communication methods before another issue arises.

Use co-parenting apps

Sometimes one of the most painful parts of divorce is not getting to spend as much time with your children as you did before separating from your spouse. And not being able to control every detail of the parenting that goes on under ex-spouse’s roof. Instead of letting this pain come out as bitterness toward your ex, you can use co-parenting apps, to share photos, keep a parenting journal, or organize long-and short-term schedules. Keeping each other in the loop will benefit both co-parents and children in the long run.

It can be challenging to adjust to co-parenting. But if you want to create an arrangement with minimal tension, then keeping you children’s needs top of mind can serve as motivation to keep your peace with your ex.

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